About Me

Hi, I'm Brenda and I was married for over three decades  to a man who had a secret identity--that of a pedophile.  His "cover" was blown in a very public, devastating and traumatic way and I quickly divorced him.  Of course, there are many more layers to the story but this is the short "elevator" version.  You can explore my blog for more of the story!  I share some of the details of my life in order to help others who are isolated by the secrecy inherent in living with an individual with a sexual compulsion or addiction. 

Any change brings loss but unanticipated or imposed change can be quite traumatic.  And for those of us unfortunate enough to have fallen in love with men who are pedophiles, the shame and fear is paralyzing.  It is not a club anyone would intentionally join.  But there is hope on the other side--my story did not end on a cold day in February!  In many ways, it was just beginning but I didn't know that then.  Recovery is a long journey with hills and valleys, detours and road blocks.  It is measured by progress, not perfection.  The pace of the journey is set at "easy goes it" and is different for each person.  The goal is to be gentle with one's self and to fiercely and with determination go into the depths of the pain that dogs us.  This is my journey--a solitary one because it is one only I can make for myself.  I'm glad you stopped by for a visit!

 Brenda Elysium

Telling my story at a conference


  1. I have been married to a pedophile for 46 years, but have only really know for 10. Now I am realizing some 'red flags" I should have noticed but was in denial and see how it has affected my daughter. I am very certain he has never added out or molested a child, but I don't know if I can continue in this marriage.

  2. Dear Anonymous,

    I am so sorry--46 years is a long time! How did you discover that you were married to a pedophile?


  3. Dearest Brenda, your story sounds similar to mine. I only recently found out. I need desperately to talk to you and/or other women. I don't want to go public about this at this time. Can you or someone email me please? In Christ's Unfathomable Love, Anon