You Might be Married to a Pedophile if . . .

A Non-Diagnostic Quiz

This list of potential indicators that your partner is a pedophile is not a scientific or research-validated diagnostic instrument.  It was compiled by a group of ex-partners of pedophiles as well as from research-validated characteristics of pedophilia.  This quiz is not intended in any way as a diagnostic tool for you to make a diagnosis of pedophilia, a personality disorder or other psychological problems in your partner.

It is vital to note that if you see one or two of these signs that does not necessarily mean that your partner is a pedophile.  The intent in providing these questions is to give you a broad pattern of behavior that may indicate an unhealthy sexual attraction to children or be characteristic of mental illness or simply a personality quirk and nothing more.  Therefore, this instrument should not be relied upon in any way as a diagnostic aid but should be used solely as a tool for increasing your own awareness of the type of experiences within your relationship which has been highlighted as a potential cause for concern.

  1. Does he exhibit an idealized or romanticized view of children?  Does he view them as especially beautiful or pure.
  2. Does he have a preoccupation with children--may present as just an interest or he may have a job that legitimizes his interest in children or gives him access to children?
  3. Does he seem to prefer the company of children to that of adults?
  4. Does he cruise by schools and parks and other places where children hang out?  Or, does he go out driving alone without much explanation?
  5. Is his interest in children confined to a particular age or gender rather than a more generalized interest in children?  
  6. Has he ever admitted to having an attraction to children or adolescents?
  7. Has he ever admitted to incest or child porn or child fondling? (Touching and rubbing are types of child molestation.  They are not innocent or harmless.)
  8. Does he enjoy wrestling or showering or using the changing room with children?
  9. Does he like sleepovers with children?
  10. Does he tell a child to share his bed?
  11. Does he "accidentally" rub up against children in crowds, subways or lines?
  12. Does he find excuses to touch children:  wrestling, playing games that involve full body contact, helping them put on their sport equipment, etc.?
  13. Is he socially awkward with adults but more comfortable in the presence of children?  Is he immature compared to other adults his age?  Does he act like a "big kid" and have toys that will appeal to his target age range?
  14. Does he try to impress people but never really connect on a deep friendship level?
  15. Does he show unusual attention to any one child in the family or outside the family?  Have you noticed any signs that he is grooming a child?
  16. Does he frequently photograph or collect pictures of children?
  17. Is he secretive about himself, his interests or his past?
  18. Does he have multiple email accounts?  Have elaborate passwords and/or paid proxy servers?
  19. Does he spend inordinate amounts of time on the computer?
  20. Is he viewing, collecting or creating child pornography in any fashion?
  21. Have you experienced sexual performance or dysfunction issues in your relationship that are either persistent or presented earlier in the relationship than normally expected, i.e. does he have trouble getting aroused by a woman or need to resort to porn to get an erection from time to time?
  22. Do you frequently have the sense that he is not fully present in any discussion, intimate moment or activity?  Is he simply not there for you emotionally?
  23. Does he seem to be more interested in a friendship than a sexual, romantic relationship with you?
  24. Does he frequently avoid sexual contact with you?
  25. Does he avoid affectionate physical touch that would be considered normal and appropriate between married people?
  26. Does he deny or minimize your concerns when you bring up strange behavior you have observed?
  27. Does he want you to dress or act like a child in order to be sexually aroused?
  28. Was he molested as a child?
  29. Is he deceptive and manipulative in the relationship?
  30. When looking at attachment types, would you class him as "avoidant?"
If these questions have raised concerns for you, please seek out a competent mental health professional who specializes in the treatment of sex addictions and pedophilia as soon as possible.

This quiz is a work in progress.  Feedback is appreciated. 

6 comments:

  1. Yep, I knew a child molester and he met 17 of those 30 traits. Thank goodness he's on the radar of the State, but he's not a registered sex offender. You cannot trust the sex offender registries.

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  2. Does "grooming" as used in this list have a different definition than what one would normally imagine (washing face, brushing teeth, combing hair)? I ask because I was reading a book about sexual abuse written for survivors as well as to educate the general public that doesn't realize how pervasive it is, and grooming was mentioned there too.

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  3. Hi Brenda,
    Thanks for the question--it is a good one. The grooming process, as applied to perpetrators/child sex abuse victims is "That subtle, gradual but escalating process that a perpetrator uses to exploit a child for sexual purposes." I wrote about it several places on the blog but this link is probably the most definitive.

    http://brendafindingelysium.blogspot.com/2013/08/grooming-its-not-just-for-pets-and.html

    Brenda

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  4. My ex has 17 symptoms. Even though I was molested all through my childhood, he never seemed to be like that to me. He seemed to just love kids the way I did. It is hard to realize how wrong I was.

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  5. Dear Anonymous,
    Thank you for stopping by. Don't beat yourself up--these guys are master manipulators and fool most people. It would be so much easier if they had a giant red "P" on their forehead but absent that, they are almost impossible to detect.
    Brenda

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  6. 6,7 and 20 already have him admitting he's a pedophile. Most of the others are easily explained by other means and wouldn't raise an eyebrow unless you already know how a pedophile acts. Shows like, big bang theory tell us most of these are normal. Socially awkward, kids toys etc... What stood out to me in my case...
    He adjusted his penis whenever he held a child. He said it was so he didn't get kicked, most men don't.
    He went down the hall to the bathroom for a long time. Reality, Turned on the lights, closed the door and continued down the hall to the baby's room.
    He objected to changing diapers. He said there was just something not right about that. It was not that it was poo, he would get excited.
    Unfortunately these are realizations made in hindsight. I hope they can help someone else know how they act.
    If you see this, get out while you can, I wish someone had told me.

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