This post is a bit different from others that appear on this blog, however, I think the message is an important one for those of us who come from abusive or difficult backgrounds. So often the music of our lives is silenced and we forget that we were born to thrive and yes, to dance. Reconnecting to our lost selves involves learning to hear the music again and to dare to dance. There is hope beyond the despair of what has happened to us so turn the music up and let's dance!
In the religious tradition that I grew up in, dancing was very much taboo and frowned upon. My dad insisted that I be excluded from a square-dancing section of a physical education class when I was in school. "Dancing" in the context of a religious concert was ok because it was considered to be an act of "worship." But dancing with another in a religious concert was not ok. Then it was about connecting with another human rather than an expression of a desire to connect with God.
Recently I went to my first secular (gasp) rock concert featuring a cover band for Grateful Dead music.
- Even with three left feet and a body unaccustomed to moving to the music, I danced.
- I danced with someone I care about and the shared connection to the music and our bodies was intoxicating.
- I danced for the sheer joy of being human, of being in a room with other humans--of joining in our shared humanity.
- I danced with joy and not quite abandonment (yet).
- I celebrated the connection that dancing creates between one's body and spirit.
- I danced as an embodiment of my complete selfhood and joyfully expressed that embodiment.
- By dancing, I gave myself over to the joy of being present with others in a shared experience of music and connection.
- By dancing, I entered fully into the joyful expression of others--a shared connection and intimacy.
I know why I haven't danced to this point in my life, but I vow to continue to dance with joy and with intentionality from this point forward. I'm going to keep dancing in spite of bad knees, an aching back and arthritic stiffness. I want to dance until the day I die. I want to dance alone, with a significant other and with the larger gathering humanity. And really, isn't connecting with one another one of the main ways that we connect with God, as we know her?
Shall we dance?
Hi Brenda,
ReplyDeleteThis website has been very helpful as I recently discovered that a long time friend and recent romantic partner is a convicted child sex offender. More than 10 years ago, he was arrested for hundreds of images of child porn and served time in prison. My parents recently shared the information with me after what seemed like a truly amazing relationship. He said and did all the right things, and truly made me feel like I had found my other half. It was like a punch to the gut when I found out. To add to the horror, I am a new child psychologist in training. This information was not only personally but professionally devastating for me, and I have no idea what to do or where to turn. It seems like you may not use this blog as much anymore, but if you happen to see this, I would love advice on how to begin to move forward and piece myself back together. I found out on 12/25/23 and it still feels like hell. How am I supposed to go on? How do I go back to work? How was I able to be fooled and manipulated that easily? Was the person I was falling in love with real?
Dear Anonymous, I am so very sorry for this incredible betrayal of trust that you so recently experienced. There is nothing like this and the pain and confusion is very real and devastating. I personally found that a 12 step group for family members or friends of individuals struggling with a sex addiction was incredibly helpful. Not everyone in the group I attended was a partner of a child sex offender but they all were struggling with the fall-out of involvement with an addict.
ReplyDeleteI also found a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) and began therapy right away. The advantage of therapy with a CSAT therapist is that they have the experience and expertise with the dynamics of a relationship like this. I would be happy to email privately and/or speak via telephone if you would like. My email address is brendafindingelysium@gmail.com.
You are training to be a child psychologist and while this is a horrendous experience, there are gifts in the wounds you are experiencing. If you do the work to heal from this, you will find that your professional experience will be greatly enhanced and what you are able to offer your clients will be greatly enhanced. This is not the end of your story.
Hugs,
Brenda